The God problem with AA and my personal solution

Back when I was strongly encouraged to attend the 12-step program of Alcoholics Anonymous, I was immediately turned off. “It’s a religious cult”.  My kids were right. The fellowship of AA swore up and down that we were not required to believe in God.  Right.  My ears and eyes still work. 

So why did I stay for 16 years?  Probably brainwashed. (haha) For me, the true answer is that it works, so I don’t care why. 

I would have done anything to stop crawling out of my skin and escape my emotional pain. I was desperate. Frankly, I would have hopped on one foot, ate kale, even sang Barry Manilow at a Karaoke party.  I was reciting prayers clearly sent from a god-worshipping church;  “Our father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name….”  Or…“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change…”

But after I started piling up life successes, I left my God concerns at the door.  

So what do I believe today after spending a decade and a half attending AA? 

One, if you’re an alcoholic or an addict, you can’t do this thing alone. Two, you will not stay sober without a spiritual program of sobriety. Why? Why does it require some kind of spiritual teaching or finding of a higher power? Why can’t we just get sober?

Let’s tackle the first question first.  Why can’t we get sober alone?

Alcoholism=selfishness, unreliability and isolation.  We can white-knuckle it and stop drinking for a while. We can hang out alone, make money, lift weights, play video games, and skip family events. Events like our nephew’s soccer games, or our cousin’s wedding, or our best friend’s holiday party.  But we will end up feeling irritable, resentful, guilty, and lost.  And we won’t stay sober.

Second, why do we need a spiritual program of sobriety?  

I’ve never seen a person stay sober without participating in some moral, spiritual teachings or giving back or helping others. In essence, a balanced life.

Alcoholics typically have low self-esteem.The way we gain it back is to do esteemable acts for others. It’s counterintuitive; making money, owning a fancy car doesn’t make us feel confident. When we are lying in bed late at night and staring up at the ceiling, these material possessions won’t bring us joy. We realize that financial success alone won’t make us happy.

Yes, I’ve seen many people get sober without Alcoholics Anonymous.  But those folks attended a Church or a Jewish temple, or a community center where they help the less fortunate or the environment. Or they participate in a non-God-based 12-step program such as Smart Recovery or the Buddhist based program called Dharma Recovery. 

The reality is that I’ve never seen anyone stay sober, not once, without at least one of these programs.  AA allows each person to choose their higher power. It can be anything you want: the redwoods, the ocean, or even the collective wisdom of people sitting on those folding chairs. There is only one catch; it can’t be YOU.

It appears correct, and I am now convinced that no one stays sober without “letting go and turning over their will” to something other than themselves.  Why? I really don’t know.  It just turns out to be true that we alcoholics have a hole in our heart that we have to fill. We must participate in some spiritual program to reach serenity and avoid returning to our escape—Alcohol.  

For my personal higher power, I settled on an acronym; Grace Over Drama.  That’s right, I once again believe in God. My choice. And I connect with my higher power through choosing to be generous, tolerant, and avoid drama at all costs. I repeatedly ask myself, “would I rather be right or at peace?” That’s it; It’s simple and I can’t really explain it, but it works for me. Through these steps, I’ve been granted a second lease on life; and I’m not gonna waste it. 

Bye for now.

Max Yusim,

Recovering alcoholic/addict

PS: I drew the picture you just clicked on.